Who He Gonna Call?

The Donald won’t play unless it’s by his rules which of course are different from established ones.

He questioned U.S. District Judge Gonzalo Curiel’s ability to be fair when presiding over the class action lawsuit against Trump University. After all, Judge Curiel has a Latino background.  Latinos aren’t terribly pleased with Trump these days. The judge might be biased based on Trump’s numerous disparaging comments about Mexicans. He back peddled saying, “The judge who happens to be, we believe, Mexican, which is great, I think that’s fine. You know what? I think the Mexicans are going to end up loving Donald Trump when I give all these jobs, OK?”

I love the way he talks in first AND third person.  He’s so damned cute.

Based on this rationale for a fair (read acquitted) trial, The Donald would certainly not approve of a female judge, especially an ugly, flat-chested one during her menstrual cycle.

And he wouldn’t be ok with a judge who had been a war prisoner, because surely that coward would savor nailing the University with a nasty verdict.   Cowards can be so spiteful!

Do we even need to mention a judge who would be “Islam” since The Donald believes that “Islam hates us?”  Where is Islam anyway?  Does he mean Muslims?

Mr. Trump said once that he wouldn’t trust Black bankers to take care of his money.  I suppose we could extrapolate that to Black judges as well.  He does approve of “short, little guys in Yarmulkes” when it comes to handling his money.

I will put short men who wear yarmulkes on the short list of approved judges.

The Donald would balk at  Asian Judges because, “When these people walk in the room, they don’t say, don’t even have the manners to at least ask how the Yankees are doing!  They say, ‘We want deal!’” Asians would probably want to get the trial over with too quickly and they wouldn’t be conversational.

I wracked my brain to come up with acceptable magistrates for The Donald, people who would give the case against Trump University a fair, (read acquitted,) trial.

So far I only had short men in Yarmulkes.

Mr. Trump would probably squirm with a disabled judge given how he mocked New York Times journalist Serge Kovaleski.

What about Little People?  I checked to see if Trump had insulted Little People and could only find his reference to us, the little people.  He’s going to make everything better for those of us in the 98% who aren’t rich, probably as long as we aren’t in the above-mentioned demographics.

I was thinking specifically of people with Dwarfism.  I couldn’t find anything so I added Dwarf judges to the short list … as long as they aren’t women, Black, Hispanic, disabled, Asian, or Muslim, (from Islam.)

I have determined, based on my research, that the only judges that The Donald could  trust for a fair (read acquitted) trial would be white, wealthy, philandering men with pure Anglo blood coursing through their veins.

He might make an exception for Pam Bondi, but she’s not a judge yet.

I actually feel bad for him.   After all, what if he gets critically ill?  He’d be in the care of doctors from the long list to treat him. Even the Hippocratic Oath wouldn’t save him from a physician with a grudge.   OOPS!  Wrong meds!

And what about auto mechanics?  OOPS, accidently cut the brake line!

It must not be easy being Donald Trump.

~written by Deborah Klein, Safety Harbor resident blogger